Being a kid just dosen't look fun these days

I think we had it good in the nineties, We came just after the "All I got for Christmas was a jigsaw and an apple" phase and just before the "All I got for Christmas was a smart phone to check in on Facebook wherever I am so Mammy doesn't worry that I've been captured by a sex trafficker" phase.
I remember my days around the age of 10 where my imagination ruled my reality. My week was very straight forward, There was school which was long but the time flew playing tag, sports, bullying the girls and sticking gum underneath tables. The social aspect of my week was Hurling training and games every two or three evenings, a fellow child's birthday party or spotting another kid at mass on a Sunday. The rest of the week was "My Time" to be spent however I pleased.
Time in my room was spent with Lego which today is just not the same. Its all themed like Lego City or Lego Dragons etc. In my day I just had a big box of little bricks and no instructions, you could spend all day trying to make something that resembled absolutely nothing!
TV was so much better too, it wasn't something that made you square eyed and thick as a plank. Star Wars and Pokemon were like Cocaine for your Junkie Imagination, video games were much better too. Who can forget Civilization 2, Age of Empires 2 or Pokemon Red? All Strategy games that could be played over and over again.
Outside there was the woods where I could go hunting in search of a fossil or skeletons (Inspired by Jurassic Park) and collect acorns and chestnuts with my cousin but now the woods are chopped down or there's people parked up in a Corolla Van riding.
Any bit of a hill had to be scaled up and down on bikes, go-karts, Skate Boards until our knees could be seen through our trousers but now you will probably die as every hill has a pothole because our County Council workers seem to all have a rare form of leprosy.
Then there was that friend too who you could hang out with now and then, the one who brought cigarettes to school and whose parents seemed so relaxed. We would play with fire and "Grand Theft Auto San Andreas" but now kids don't have that opportunity because parents no longer see "Sure he's in my class" as a good enough reason to trust another 10 year old. Sure he could introduce their poor little boy to Heroin.
I'm glad to have had my childhood when I did. Life is full of stress for poor kids today compared to just a few years ago, they need to speak about three languages in school, know algebra, understand that there not too be racist, know how to unroll a condom and eat their 5 a day by the time their 10. But the main reason there is no time for climbing trees is because they have to get dolled up for their latest facebook profile picture. If Micheal Jackson's private life tought us one lesson it's that Parents should avoid stressing kids and let them mature in their own time otherwise they end up mad as a bag of cats in heat.

You Can't Deny History

After living in Glasgow for two years I have to wonder are they thought history over there? Every night in any given pub in Glasgow if my accent gets heard then I'm likely to get a lecture on politics from some retired council worker who can speak 5 words of Gaelic but claims to be fluent or some Celtic supporter who puts a drop of lemonade in his larger. Its always the same.


A)"Your like our Celtic Neighbors sure I'm half Irish"

or

B)"Them Basterding English, What they done to Northern Ireland"


Ok lets go with statement A first

"Our Celtic Neighbors sure I'm half Irish"

usually this is followed by "where are you from?"

"Kilkenny"

"Is that North or South?"

Ok well if you have never heard of Ireland's fifth largest city well then sir YOU ARE NOT IRISH


And the Celtic neighbors? Thats a good one. There is no proof that the Celts ever settled in Ireland and why would they come all the way from Central Europe to settle on this Bog? Celtic Ireland was basically just a romantic idea coined in the 20th century for tourism.


Statement B) "Them Basterding English, What they done to Northern Ireland"

While England has a lot to apologies for, this is hilarious. You see when Northern Ireland was planted back in the 17 century there was no Ryanair so do you think that the English went out of their way to sail thousands up North to the most rebellious and barbaric part of Ireland? Use your common sense of geography here guys.....

The Ulster Protestants/Presbyterians/Orange Order/Unionists are from Scotland not England! Thats why they call themselves Ulster Scots for crying out loud. So next time your dancing around with your watered down larger signing "Fuck the UDA" it might occur that if you are a Scottish Protestant or Presbyterian that they are your Scottish cousins and you can take them back whenever you want.

Music is Free, If its Good I'll go to your Concert

Downloading music from youtube converters and torrent websites is illegal and apparently the music artists don't enjoy the fact that we listen to their hard work this way. No surprise really, the singers with talent complain about everything. Eminem writes 90% of his songs about his mother, the fact he has to tour or his daughters mother. Then there's Adele who screams about how she desperately needs to get a good ride and they also get in a mood when we download their music for free but really why should they be?

Most albums now only have like two or three good songs, usually the ones that were released as singles but the rest is just there to fill the CD.
Most of the money gets spent on heroin which is obvious as most our favorite singers keep kicking the bucket once their knee deep in cash.
Most singers make the best music before their rich, take Kanye West for example, his first two albums were brilliant but then he decided to re-invent the wheel with his own genre of robot singing.

So to put it plain and simple its your own fault Snoop Doggy Dogg, you did go from gangster rapping with Tupac to singing musicals with Katy Perry once you got filthy rich so don't blame me for not buying your music. The disc is about as practical as a leather condom in this day and age of MP3 and latex and about as compact as a kangaroo.

2012 to be F1's Finest Season

I'm loving the Formula 1 season so far with seven different winners in seven races, the unpredictability has me glued to the sky channel. Well done to Hamilton today he's not my favorite but he still put in a great performance,  all it needs now is for Kimi to be crowned comeback king ahead of Schumacher and win a race. He's quite the character unlike some of the other racers who come across almost robot like. I can't imagine Vettel tearing into a curry chip after a night out on the beer for example.

Diamond Jubilee, Why bother?

I really don't understand this whole Royal family hype at all. The money the government must have spent on this Jubilee and the singers at it, Robbie, Kylie, Elton, Cheryl and lots more. Its a far more impressive lineup then any of them Live-Aid charity concerts and for what? Nostalgia? Pride?
Remembrance of an undemocratic time when inbreeds ruled the nation and Britain could claim to own a vast empire spanning across the world colonising America and teaching Indians cricket.

Well today she's basically just an old woman living on welfare except shes in a big fancy house and is given a pointless title, and what has she done to get there? Absolutely nothing, she was born into it. I hope the British tax-payer realises soon what a waste of 67 pence a year the whole thing is, they could use that 67 pence to buy some paper-mache make a crown and declare themselves Duchess of the Playground.

Beware of Green Politics

Extreme idealism and power mix like sambuca and your ATM card (not very well) in fact its a disaster but yet through out history its happened yet again and again and we just don't learn our lesson. Fascists, Communists, Religious Fundamentalists and an idealism born in the 1970s "Green Politics" have been and continue to be let into Governments.
   Idealists all see the world as completely imperfect and strive to build a new one which is perfect (to them). For example Hitler believed the imperfections of the world were caused by people whom he saw as merely subhuman (Jews, Slavic, Gays etc.) and lets just say Africa are very lucky Russia. America and the Spitfire stopped the Nazi's. His Ideology brain-washed a nation and made it OK to murder millions if it ment his Aryan race lived in a "perfect world". Then there's Stalin another idealist who would happily have people who he tought of as selfish (Capitalists) murdered to help achieve his Communist ideology or Castro who single handedly ruined a beautiful Island trying to create his ideal world. So where am I going with this?
  Well I don't think that letting the vegetarians into government means that all non smart-car drivers will be shipped off to concentration camps. I mean to a lesser extent other government problems will be put to the side like say healthcare or unemployment because the lesbian vegetarian President is busy spending money on windmills and a new police force for protecting the fox and enforcing the ban on vintage cars with no catalytic converters. Whilst politicians with aims and goals make good politicians (otherwise their power hungry accountants) ones who view the world as being full of imperfections and speak of radical change to make a better tomorrow for our kids are living in a fantasy world and don't belong in power!
   Don't get me wrong I do believe that stuff like recycling (Got any Scrap Metal lad?) is important but any politician who takes a fold-up bicycle to work and refers to "Fire-men" as "Fire-Fighters" should be let no where near a political party. Just because we have caused so much pollution in the last 2 minutes of geographical time doesn't mean we need to stop everything and save the polar bear. I quite enjoy my lifestyle and like to know I have the freedom to throw my fridge in a lake if I feel like it without having to worry about the death penalty.

Chino Wankers

After seeing yet another group of Chino Wankers today pretending to be drunk I have come to the conclusion that they are all fecking idiots just playing into a stereotype so that they feel part of a gang. Probably because their girlfriends beat them up.

Hell I bet most Chino Wankers were pretend NEDs upto only a week ago but now they just traded their tracksuits in for a pair of chinos because an article on the UNILad facebook page said to.....    

Chino wearing is by no means a statement of being "modern" like they think but instead a statement that you probably live a double life much like in X-Men except instead of having mutant powers you all hump each other whilst listening to shit indie music.
The "Beige Chino" is the colour of excrement stained semen after all.

So next time I'm working and a chino wanker makes a comment that I speak like Brad Pitt in Snatch well I'm going to kick that bi-curious knob-jockie NED right back into his closet.